3 Non-Drug Addictions Which Are Surprisingly Common

Most people think that alcohol and substance abuse are the only real types of addiction. It is hard for them to take any other kinds of addiction seriously. This is especially true of addictions that don’t involve your body in any direct way. After all, we have learned to think about addiction in terms of physical dependence.

However, there are more types of addiction that don’t involve alcohol or substances than you think. And they’re not rare. Millions of people suffer from the kinds of addictions we are going to list.

Before we get started, it is important that we understand the line at which we can begin to call something an addiction. An addiction is something that you do in order to cope in day-to-day life, that you continue doing even though it is harmful to yourself and others, and that eventually makes it difficult for you to function normally.

1. Gambling addiction

It took a while for professionals to get on board with the concept of a gambling addiction, but with millions of people struggling each year, its status has become indisputable.

Gambling addiction ticks all the boxes. People engage in gambling to cope with difficult emotions, including the fear of financial failure. And while it might seem like a viable way of making money, it usually becomes clear after a number of losses that winning in the long run is almost impossible.

Still, a person with a gambling addiction continues to gamble in spite of the harm, losing money that would otherwise have gone towards paying important bills and taking care of loved ones. Eventually, their addiction causes them to miss work and social events, lie and manipulate, and struggle to function on a daily basis.

It has recently been discovered that gambling in fact rewires a person’s brain in a similar way to illegal drugs.

2. Porn addiction

The advent of the Internet has had many consequences, but one of the most significant is the abundant access the average person has to pornography. Whereas in the past, one would have to buy or rent magazines and videos, today all it takes is a Google search to find endless free content.

Pornography is not inherently a bad thing. It can be used responsibly to indulge healthy fantasies, even within a relationship. However, people battling porn addiction have increasingly seen how it can cause tremendous harm to themselves and others.

Some people watch porn as a way to cope with difficult emotions. This can be useful, but when it becomes a regular coping mechanism, it can lead to addiction. After some time, the person is no longer able to cope without watching porn.

This behavior leads to negative consequences, such as spending money one does not have on access to porn sites and webcam platforms, as well as watching porn in inappropriate contexts in spite of the risk of getting caught. This sometimes leads to loss of jobs and opportunities.

It can also negatively affect relationships, when the addicted individual watches porn instead of having sex with their partner. They start to engage in behaviors like lying and manipulation that make it difficult to function in work, school, and social contexts.

3. Shopping addiction

For most people, shopping is simply a normal part of day-to-day living. You need to acquire goods to survive, and occasionally splash out on indulgences. However, for people struggling with shopping addiction, it can become incredibly harmful.

A person struggling with a shopping addiction buys items impulsively and compulsively. They may not think about potential financial consequences, or buy these items despite knowing it will have severe financial consequences.

Shopping addiction comes about when shopping is used as a way of avoiding dealing with strong emotions. The term “retail therapy” has been used to describe the phenomenon, but considering how it can become a harmful addiction, the term therapy is misplaced.

As with other addictions, shopping addiction leads to behaviors such as lying and manipulating, and theft. It causes rifts in relationships, legal trouble, job loss, and a range of other difficulties that interrupts healthy day-to-day functioning.

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3 Red Flags For Recovering Addicts In New Relationships

It’s no secret that addiction plays havoc in relationships. Families are torn apart, while romantic partners are betrayed or let down. There is a reason most recovering addicts in new relationships fear it all going wrong.

When you start dating again, it is all too easy to repeat old patterns. You’ve spent years learning to lie and conceal the truth. Codependency may have become your second language. In theory, your fears should protect you from getting stuck in the same situation.

Unfortunately, one of the things recovering addicts tend to do is assume responsibility for everything wrong in their relationship. If your partner isn’t communicating with you, you assume it’s because you still lie too much. If they don’t trust you, you assume it’s because of behaviors you learned as an addict.

It can be hard to differentiate truly problematic relationships from leftover habits you can work on. However, there are some red flags which should indicate to any recovering addict that their new relationship is unhealthy.

1. You fear them

On the one hand, this might seem obvious. If you are afraid your partner might abuse you physically or emotionally, you should get help immediately. However, there are other types of fears that are not so obvious.

For example, you may be scared that if you say the “wrong” thing, or make a mistake, your partner will leave you. Try to determine whether your fear is based on actual events or is something you have learned in other relationships.

Try speaking to them openly. A healthy relationship cannot survive if you are living in fear of them leaving you. If it turns out that they do expect compliance or perfection, you should consider getting out of the relationship.

2. They don’t take your addiction seriously.

When a romantic partner does not take your addiction seriously, it raises a whole lot of red flags. Of course, there’s the possibility they might reintroduce substances into your life. But beyond that, there is the simple fact that they are downplaying your most personal experiences.

Some people are simply ignorant about addiction, and you can explain it to them. However, if they still downplay it or speak about it as a moral failing, they are showing you that they don’t respect your struggles and achievements.

3. They try to control you

While some romantic partners might not take your addiction seriously, others might take it too seriously. Certain people are not comfortable with the possibility that you could relapse, as they are used to having control of their lives. They therefore try to control you.

The reason many recovering addicts miss this red flag is that the person seems to have their best interests at heart. They just want you to be healthy and substance-free. Nonetheless, regardless of their intentions, this kind of behavior will make you feel patronized and you may act out.

A romantic partner should be there to support you, taking your addiction seriously while being your biggest cheerleader. Someone who tries to control you is doing the opposite – they are attempting to take away your agency, giving the impression that they don’t trust you to take care of yourself.

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Tips For Speaking To Your Kids About Your Addiction

I’ve known many parents who struggle with addiction who have tried to keep their kids out of the loop. The logic may seem sound to you: young children in particular can’t understand addiction, and parents need to retain some level of authority over their kids. Explaining your addiction to your kids is a frightening idea, as they may start seeing you as flawed.

However, whether you like it or not, your kids know about your addiction. Even if they have never seen you use alcohol or drugs, they can sense that there is something wrong. Your behavior while on substances is more alarming to them than the knowledge that you are actually using substances.

In other words, you can’t afford not to speak to your kids about your addiction. Here’s what you need to know in order to communicate your illness effectively.

Families need help

Before talking to your kids about your addiction, it might be worthwhile considering whether your family needs more than that. Addiction impacts families in significant ways. People who struggle with addiction develop codependent relationships, raise parentified children, and introduce a certain level of dysfunction into the home.

Family therapy may be necessary for your family to recover. In addition to private therapy with an expert, 12 Step Programs offer groups such as AlAnon and NarcAnon which specifically cater to the families of recovering addicts. In this safe space, the family can speak about their experiences, feelings, and resentments with people who understand them, and without feeling like they have to tiptoe around the recovering addict’s emotions.

Introducing the subject

Simply telling your kids that you or your partner are addicted to substances is not going to go down well. Even if they are in their teens, they will not have enough context to understand addiction. Most adults who have not experienced addiction first-hand do not understand it.

Introduce the subject by asking them about what might be bothering them at home. Relate their personal experience to your addiction. Explain that your behavior has not been acceptable, and that it has been caused by addiction.

Take responsibility

Addiction is an illness and you no longer have control. You need to share this with your children, so that they know you are not a bad person and that you would have never otherwise hurt them.

However, beyond this truth, using excuses will at best make them feel neglected, and at worst make them feel like they are the cause of the problem.

When discussing your addiction, you do not want to give your kids the impression that you are not really sorry. Yes, you have a disease, but you need to take responsibility as well, otherwise you are giving them the message that you are not hurting for how your actions have hurt them.

If you go further and start giving them specific reasons for why you used drugs or alcohol, you can give them the impression that it is actually their fault. By explaining that you have been stressed and working hard in order to make ends meet, take care of them, or trying to stay happy for them, they hear that, without them, you would never have had the problem.

Take full responsibility for your actions. You can explain that addiction is an illness, and that you never wanted to harm them. But leave the excuses out. Your initial conversations should revolve around their wellbeing, not your own.

It is okay if they feel anger and resentment towards you for now. It will take time to repair the relationship, but with patience it will happen.

Don’t Euphemise

Euphemisms are useful when talking about your sex life with your grandparents. But when you are speaking to your kids about addiction, euphemisms only make it harder for them to discuss it openly.

It’s not only about the words, although knowing the terminology will help them in the long run. It is about not associating shame with these conversations. If you speak around the topic, they get the impression that this is something they shouldn’t talk about, something which is very shaming, even if you tell them they should talk about it with you.

Be open, even if you feel like children shouldn’t have to know the details of your addiction. They already do on some level, and need the sense that they have been given permission to process.

Nurture and soothe

Your focus when speaking about your addiction with your kids should be on their wellbeing. With this in mind, you need to spend some time nurturing and soothing them.

Nurturing includes affirming that they have not done anything wrong. That this situation has been unfair to them and that you love them.

Soothing includes telling them that everything is going to be alright. You are going to get better and life at home is going to go back to normal and, in fact, be better than ever. This is another way of taking responsibility for your actions, as only you can commit to making this happen.

An objective listener

Finally, it is important that your kids know they have someone else to talk to. Someone who they can confide in who is not one of their parents. No matter how careful you have been to approach the subject with openness and sensitivity, they may still be scared of hurting your feelings.

They may also be aware that you are in recovery, and even though you have told them that none of this is their fault, they may feel a responsibility towards you (especially if you have a codependent relationship). They may therefore keep things from you because they are scared they will set back your recovery.

Your addiction is not an easy subject to broach with your kids. However, they already know about it on some level. By being honest, giving them space to share, and giving them the resources to speak about it, you are taking the first steps towards healing your family.

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How To Use The Senses To Ground Yourself In Recovery

Recovering addicts tend to struggle to stay grounded and present. We obsess over the mistakes of the past and the potential catastrophes in the future. During recovery, one of the most important lessons is to live “just for today.”

Living in the present is so important because it is impossible to recover in anything but the present. All too often, we try to find a way to recover with the assurance that we will never relapse. It is as if a future relapse would negate whatever we do in the present.

But knowing the future is impossible, and so is erasing the past, which is why it is so important to learn to ground yourself in the present when recovering.

The good news is that, at any time, you can use your five main senses to ground yourself in the present.

Circumventing your mind’s brilliance

The human mind is truly brilliant. It provides us with the power of abstract thought, complex reasoning, and language. But its brilliance is not only cognitive. It also does the job of organizing all of the sensory input.

At every moment, your senses are receiving a huge amount of data. Your mind needs to take this data and make sense of it, using shortcuts that help you differentiate the sound of a bird from the sound of the wind it floats upon, the image of a person from the image of the room they stand in.

We could not function without this. Unfortunately, this also makes it difficult for us to experience the moment without preconceived judgements.

This is why we need to tune into the senses as they are in order to ground ourselves in the present moment.

Using the senses

Using the senses is really very simple. All you have to do is focus on any one of the five main senses. Take a moment to feel the air on your skin or to listen to the sounds around you. But while it is simple, it is far from easy. We are so used to interpreting the input of the senses that we don’t take the time to appreciate it for what it is.

Using the senses to ground yourself can be done at any time, but it requires practice. Set aside some time to simply experience the input of one of your senses. Put some music on and listen to a song in its entirety, simply hearing rather than thinking about it. Eat a snack and focus on the taste rather than thinking about the next bite.

With some practice, using the senses to ground yourself can become one of the most effective tools in living “just for today.”

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5 Ways To Prevent Bad Dreams As A Recovering Addict

Many recovering addicts struggle every night with bad dreams and nightmares. There are a number of reasons for this. Some of us are battling post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and dream about the traumas we went through. For others, including me, bad dreams are a side effect of psychiatric medication.

The dreams that I have every single night can be more complex than any twisted TV show or movie I’ve ever seen. They are troubling in various ways, whether because they bring up childhood issues or because I’m being chased by a monster. They can really affect my day.

One of the biggest problems with dreams is that, because you are sleeping, you cannot implement the strategies you have learned for dealing with triggers. However, there are ways to soften or prevent bad dreams as a recovering addict.

1. Rewrite the narrative

If you have relatively straightforward dreams, you can use this strategy to dull their blow. Take the narrative of your dream and rewrite it. For example, maybe you dreamed about starting an important exam and realizing you knew none of the answers. Rewrite the dream with a positive ending and visualize it this way. This may help you leave the difficult emotions connected to the dream behind.

Of course, more complex dreams cannot be rewritten this easily. Try to prevent the dreams by doing the following.

2. Use herbal remedies

There are certain herbal remedies that help people sleep more peacefully and prevent bad dreams. Try the following:

• use a lavender-scented cream on your skin
• drink chamomile tea at night
• take valerian root supplements

3. Listen to sleep sounds

Apps like Headspace and Calm have sleep sounds or music that can play as you fall asleep or through the whole night. Anecdotal evidence indicates that these sounds can improve your sleep quality by preventing bad dreams.

4. Discuss it in therapy

Bad dreams don’t come from nowhere. Although you may feel calm during the day, bad dreams are often triggered by stress and anxiety that you avoid consciously thinking about. For this reason, discussing your bad dreams in therapy can help in more ways than one. Externalizing your dreams this way can help you disconnect from them. It can also help you figure out what is really causing you stress and anxiety, adding to the therapeutic process and giving you the chance to work on it during your waking hours.

5. Take a break

If you wake up in the middle of the night, disturbed by a dream or series of dreams, take a short “break” from sleep. Move from your bed to the couch for a few minutes or listen to soothing sounds. This can help you disconnect from your bad dreams and go back to sleep with a clear head.

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Why You Need To Leave Your Narratives Behind

When I started my addiction recovery, I was enamored by everything I was learning about myself. I learned that my parents’ own addictions had led to my abandonment issues. I learned that in becoming a parentified child, I had developed the need to control everything. There was so much more. It was like reading a very interesting book about myself.

This led me to believe that I needed to address all these narratives. If I wanted to live life differently, I needed to work through them and replace them with new narratives. And while this exercise did help in some ways, it was ultimately a red herring.

It is important to understand your narratives to give context to your addiction. You need to be able to recognize your narratives so that you don’t get caught up in them over and over again. But while working with your narratives might help you avoid past mistakes, it won’t help you move forward all that much.

Behind the narratives

One of Albert Einstein’s most famous quotes states that “you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.” When it comes to addiction, this is so poignant and relevant.

We create narratives for one major reason: to deal with feelings that seem unmanageable. Changing the narratives will not get rid of the feelings. Nor should it.

Feelings are part of a healthy existence. Even the ones that seem unhealthy – guilt, shame, anxiety – only become problematic when we try to get rid of them.

The key to moving on is recognizing that those emotions are both par for the course and only temporary. If we feel them and let them go, they will disappear. They will come around again, and we will manage them again in the same way.

It is for this reason that the 12 Steps don’t mention those narratives. The 12 Steps are about breaking the cycle of your past, and starting a practice that will take you into a healthy future.

Moving on

Many recovering addicts struggle with this idea that they are broken. They have suffered through so many trials and have done so much they want to forget. It seems like they can never work through it all.

But no person is broken. You are as whole as anyone else in this world. No matter what you have been through, you are a feeling human being, living a life that is inherently meaningful.

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The Benefits Of A Beginner’s Mind As A Recovering Addict

One of the important mindfulness attitudes that Jon Kabat-Zinn speaks about is the Beginner’s Mind. As a recovering addict, having a beginner’s mind can transform your experience of life outside of rehab.

Our minds have a remarkable ability to build up huge stores of information that we don’t have to consciously access. Without this ability, we would not be able to interact with the world around us. Think about what would happen if you had to actively think about how to swallow every time you ate. You would choke if you ever let your attention wander.

However, clinging to everything we know can also stop us from experiencing life in the present. We see people and situations in the light of how we have experienced them in the past. Instead of living in the present, we play out old scenarios.

As a recovering addict, this can be necessary. We have to know how to avoid triggers and which people might compromise us. But in the same vein, we need to be open to newness if we are to live a life untainted by what has happened to us in the past.

How to access your beginner’s mind

The attitude of beginner’s mind asks you to experience each moment as if for the first time. And, in fact, you are! While you may have interacted with the same people, places and things in the past, you have never lived this moment.

With the attitude of beginner’s mind, you don’t have to forget everything you know. That is impossible and obviously undesirable. However, in environments of which you have no reason to be particularly wary, you can let go of it.

Try and open your eyes to this very moment. Thoughts and feelings will arise. Note them and let them go. Notice any assumptions and judgments you make and let them go. You may feel the urge to accumulate new insights or “make use” of the moment. Try and let that go too. Anything this moment can teach you will still be there in the next.

Beginner’s mind is an incredibly important attitude for recovering addicts, as we tend to see the world outside rehab as a difficult place, with hardship, triggers, and temptations. Opening ourselves up and experiencing this moment for the first time is a big step towards living in a world you can begin to love.

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